Jokes

I

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies. (thinking isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a restricted fishing area", he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.

"If you do I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

II

Three Welshmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to
a football match in London. At the station, the three English each
buy a ticket and watch as the three Welsh buy just one ticket
between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
one of the English. "Watch and learn" answers one of the Welshmen.
They all board the train. The English take their respective seats but
all three Welsh cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect the
tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please".
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in
hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The English are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they
decide to copy the Welsh on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip... To their astonishment, the Welsh don't buy a ticket at all !!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed English. "Watch and learn..." says one of the Welshmen.
When they board the train the three Welsh cram into a toilet and soon after the three English pile into another nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Welshmen leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the English are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."

III

Visitor to art exhibit: "Why did they hang this picture?"
"Must be because they couldn't find the artist!" 
*
Convict no.600: "It took me nearly two years to complete this book."
Convict no.610: "Oh, that's nothing. It took me five years to complete a sentence."
*